Wandering

Why is it that I still have days that I feel like I'm muddling through the routine? It's like I'm still unsure about my direction. Am I coming or going? It's my personality to overthink everything. I over think teaching, kids, weightlifting, running, shooting...you name it. I once realized it when I was shooting a gun for the first time. I started talking about being a quarter of an inch off and giving my reasoning....why do I have to explain myself every time? Because I think too much. I really hate it. I wish on some level I could let loose a little and kick back. I am mentally exhausted at the end of every day.

Pressure

I am having a night that makes me frustrated with myself. I know, I know...Rome wasn't built in a day. However, these muscles had been built before and torn down without my permission. I get frustrated that a simple front squat movement is so tough....my knees just don't want to bend with the weight. I struggled and it was a real test of my committment to my self.  I remember feeling this way at 16 when I couldn't squat behind the plate. I cried for days maybe weeks. Something I had known my whole life gone.

I see results, but then I don't feel like I'm measuring up to where I should be. I feel like I'm not doing all I could be. I wish I could work out 3 times a day it would be glorious but so unrealistic. My body is changing but right now I'm in the awkward state of unproportional. It's frustrating every morning trying to find clothes that are flattering. I always feel like I could of pushed harder through the workout mentally but physically when it comes to front squats, thrusters, clusters or any movement like these I have a hard time. I know with time it will get better. I just have to press on. 

Rain

"When it rains" by Lisa DeJong is an amazing book filled with so many emotions. I laughed, I cried, and I connected with the characters. Amazing job. I highly recommend this to anyone looking for a good love story.