Love Crossfit

I love Crossfit. I love the challenge. I love how it's changing me. I love the different outlook I have. I love how I feel. I love seeing how much I can push myself. I love the friends I have made. I love the community.

Fear not

I'm realizing I need to be more proud of me and give myself some credit. I short change myself a lot. I never feel like I have done enough. I have a friend who is inspiring me to wake up with a more positive attitude. No matter what I will be happy. So today with no shame I will post my first picture in a bikini. All my comparison pictures from here on out will be in this bikini. (Picture taken 2 weeks ago...)

Stop

Today, I feel like everything is crashing down at once. I cannot seem to catch up. If it's not one thing it's another. It's days like this I just need to pray and talk about it. I know I'm not the only mother trying to do it all. I just don't get how and why it's so hard. My house is a totally catastrophe looking like a tornado has made its way through and blown in junk. This house is too small and not sure how much more I can take before I start renting me an apartment for some sanity every now and then. For the last 3years we have lived in limbo not knowing if we were staying or going. Now we decided to stay it doesn't seem like the construction will ever start only simply bc I don't have the time to deal with it. I seriously want to break down in tears. I feel like I carry the entire load of responsibility. 

I know I'm having a pity party. I don't understand why it's a society norm for the female to have to always concede and give up her life for everyone else in the house to enjoy theirs. When do I get to put me first and why do I sound so much like a brat saying this? I can't be the only one who feels this way. It's not always hearts and roses. 

I am tired of feeling like I live from minute to minute trying to fit everything I can possibly manage. I have anxiety bc of the rat hole we live in. Seriously I'm about ready to lose it. I don't think I can take this mess another week. I'm tired of cooking always being a challenge and the sad part is it's only bc I don't have time to plan it out. When I do have time I spend cleaning up messes. Gurrr...I am such a failure and whine bag. I seriously think something in my schedule will soon have to give. Sad thing is it's going to have to be the one thing that makes me feel like "I" am accomplishing something for my self 😁😞😞😣

😤😤😫😫😫😫😥😢